The 2018 festive season was upon us. I resolved to go with the flow of the festivities, rest, unwind, and take it easy. I would commence my quest at the beginning of the year 2019.
I was not quite sure how the process was going to unfold but I was determined to do everything in my power and knowledge to connect with my soul and with Deity. I believed without a shadow of a doubt that the answers and solutions to my predicament lay with my Soul or what others call my Higher Self and of course with God. I use the word ‘God’ here because that’s how I traditionally grew up to describe the Divine. But whether you call it God, Universe, Universal Intelligence, Creator, Universal Energy, Supreme Being, Allah, Jehova, Heavenly Father, or whatever resonates with you, the truth is that all those words point to the same powerful transcendental Being or energy that creates, and permeates all things, is omnipresent and omniscient. It all depends on how you as an individual were cultured to believe. I do not have a challenge with the use of any of those words now, even though I do have my personal preferences. I have to mention this here because I know that some people once you start using words like ‘Universe’ about deity block themselves completely from even listening to what you have to say and I understand that completely.
Anyway, in this quest I intended to avail myself to learning new things and new ways of being but to also question a lot of things that I thought needed to be clarified. I was also going to keep an open mind, to allow myself to be guided and to receive any new insights.
Reading spiritual books for inspiration has always done it for me. I love reading because it somehow exposes me to new ideas and diverse perspectives, just like traveling does. It is an eye-opener. I had previously read a lot of great books from great spiritual teachers and leaders such as Deepak Chopra (The Seat of the Soul; Seven Spiritual Laws of Success etc), Neal Donald Walsch (Conversations with God Trilogy; Communion with God; Home with God, etc), Eckhart Tolle (The Power of Now; A New Earth, etc), Rhonda Byrne( The Secret), and many many more teachers whose teachings and writings had not only resonated with me but impacted my being immensely. I had a lot of these in my library for reference if I wanted to.
Journaling and writing letters to God was also one of the ways I had used to connect, even simple prayer, and meditation.
In January 2019 I started reading a book by Robin Sharma titled; ‘The 5 am Club: Own Your Morning. Elevate Your Life. It is an amazing book in which Robin teaches the importance of establishing a daily morning and evening routine aimed at reflection, growth, learning, and establishing a connection with your higher self. This book has a practical application with which Sharma takes you through a 66-day challenge of rising at 5 am and spending an hour in reflection, exercise, guided meditations, and application of various techniques.
Anyway, the point is that I took up the challenge of rising early morning. If you are not used to waking up at 5 am every single day of the week this would be a challenge but I was unwavering in my resolve to find answers. Besides, there was not much time between my 8-5 job to do this.
I would write letters to God in my journal, most of which were rantings of how ‘my life wasn’t working, how God had some explaining to do about some painful past experiences in my childhood, and what he was going to do with some of the mess that had become my life if he cared at all about my well being. After all, I did not create myself and bring myself into this world. Ha ha ha ha…These days I laugh when I look at some of my early 2019 journal entries but this was my mindset then. I poured my heart and soul out on the journals. My entries were as raw as they came, and I did not mince with words. In the process, there was a lot of crying, questioning, and demands for answers. I kept at it for days and nights.
The most heartfelt questions I asked had to do with my purpose, why, and for what had I come here on earth to be or do. Because I felt like whatever it was, my life at the time was in complete tangent with that purpose. I have heard many spiritual teachers talk about how every single person alive today has a reason and a purpose they came to fulfill on earth, and that every single one of us has a God-given gift or set of gifts that they’re meant to use to fulfill that purpose, that our lives and existence are not some random chance event of a sperm meeting an egg. By the way, talking about gifts, from where I was standing God must’ve forgotten to give me one of those. For the life of me, I had never been able to figure that one out. I learned from the late Pastor Miles Munroe that ” A GIFT IS AN INHERENT CAPACITY TO FULFILL A FUNCTION, AND THE GIFT THAT YOU CARRY IN YOU IS TO FULFIL A NEED IN CREATION”. He also says a gift can never be learned, it can only be refined because you already have it in you. It comes naturally. It is innate, it is built in you by the creator. It is part of your DNA so to speak and you use it or live it with passion. It excites you, it lifts you, and working with your gifts and passions is like play, not struggle or hassle. It is something you do with so much ease. On the flip side, your gift is also your obligation to the world. If you die without having used your gifts to serve you have robbed the world. Anyhoo, this was one of the questions I needed answered.
At the core of my being, I believed this idea of a ‘higher purpose’ to be true and it resonated with me at a deeper level, even though I painfully observed that my socialization had taught me something completely different. So, besides wanting to know what it is I had come to be and do on this planet (my purpose) and with what gifts, I also wanted to know how I could transform my life to align with that purpose. I was sick and tired of an aimless existence. I craved purpose, fulfillment, abundance, and fun.
No sooner had I started asking these things than the answers started flooding into my existence. Information started flowing from all angles. It was like opening up Pandora’s box but in a very good way.
I couldn’t keep up. I soon became a recluse. I would now start waking up at 4 am instead of 5 am. I would go to work, lock myself up in the office during lunch break, and in the evening my family saw me only for an hour or so and I would slide inside the cave. I was nowhere to be found, on weekdays and weekends. My friends did not see me the whole of that year. Some of the things I used to do like going to the gym, socializing etc fell by the wayside. This self-imposed solitary confinement went on for at least 10 months. I needed more time.
The scale had tilted, I was now so absorbed in my spirituality than I was in the mundane. I had never experienced anything like that before. The more I received, the more I dug & the more I dug a whole new world came to light.
Unbeknownst to me I had begun to awaken. I had begun the transformation process.